Kuroko Oneshots
by FruitPastilles
Summary: A collection of oneshots based on our favourite basketball players in different situations! Second Scenario: Gen, Gom Kagami/Kuroko (slightly) - Kuroko teaches kindergarten to a bunch of absolute monsters. Riko's convinced they're normal five year olds. It goes as well as you think. Rated K
1. Chapter 1

To Taste Temptation

 **Summary:** Kuroko inadvertently summons an Incubus called Akashi. He does his best to let him down gently.

* * *

Kuroko felt his back stiffen, fingers spasming around the pen in his hands as arms draped over his shoulders, an adventurous hand plucking at the edge of his button-up shirt.

"Akashi-kun," Kuroko said slowly. "I'm attempting to work. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"It's not what you can get for _me,_ Tetsuya, it's what _I_ can get for _you_. Anything you could possibly desire." Akashi's inquisitive fingers dove into the gaps between the buttons of Kuroko's shirt, and Kuroko promptly slapped down, flattening Akashi's hand to his chest but not allowing it to move any further.

"What I want," Kuroko began, voice soft. "Is for you to _go away."_

"Oh, that's not how it works, Tetsu-dear," Akashi pressed his mouth to the shell of Kuroko's ear. "I can get you _anything_ you like, so long as it gives you pleasure."

"Having you gone _would_ give me pleasure you absolute ingrate," Kuroko muttered, lifting his free hand to try and continue writing even as Akashi mouthed at his jawline.

"Nice try, but not quite," Akashi purred back, the hand not trapped easing Kuroko's head up and to the side so he had more room to work on Kuroko's neck. He counted it as a win when Kuroko's breath hitched and the hand on his trembled.

"All you've got to do is _ask,"_ he whispered at the sensitive spot under Kuroko's jaw, and was nearly thrown off balance when Kuroko shot to his feet, pen still gripped between tight fingers. Kuroko was slightly flushed, free hand shaking intermittently and he blurted out, suddenly and unexpectedly,

 _"Vanilla milkshake."_

"Yes?" Akashi couldn't help but sound confused, and skated a half step back when Kuroko whirled to face him, jabbing the pen in his direction enthusiastically.

"You can get me a vanilla milkshake. They're my favourite. That'll consolidate the deal, right?"

"A milkshake." Akashi let the displeasure show on his face. "I'm offering you the time of your life, with me nonetheless, and you would rather a vanilla milkshake than…than me?"

Kuroko scratched behind his ear absently and shrugged a shoulder.

"Vanilla is my favourite," he muttered defensively. "I don't like anything else quite as much."

"Not even sex?" Akashi sounded incredulous.

"I find it hard to believe you hard of hearing, Akashi-kun. And don't say that, it's…crude and distasteful."

"W-What? The word sex?"

"That's exactly the one," Kuroko replied primly. "I know what I want. You know what I want. If you could please go and get it, this whole ridiculous farce can end. It's been five days and you're still insistent – I'm giving you what you want. A purpose so you can leave."

"No one has ever – _ever_ asked me for something as trivial as a _milkshake._ "

Kuroko crossed his arms firmly. "It's what I'm asking for. Now please, _go and get it._ "

Akashi narrowed his eyes, mouth angrily pursing before he disappeared from in front of Kuroko's eyes. Not a moment later was he back, shoving a takeaway cup into Kuroko's expectant hands, the plastic straw already in place.

Kuroko took an experimental sip and then gave Akashi a cordial smile.

"Your work is done. Thank you for everything, Akashi-kun."

"I'm not leaving – "

 _"Your work is done,"_ Kuroko repeated loudly over him and Akashi just kept on speaking.

" – until I know why you don't want to sleep with me. _Everybody_ wants to sleep with me. Is it because of the masculine form? I can be a woman. I can be older, I can be younger. I can be _whatever you want_ and you still don't want to sleep with me!"

Kuroko passively sipped at his milkshake as Akashi complained and had his little tantrum. By the time Akashi had finished he was breathing heavily, composure flushed and shoulders heaving.

"Has it ever occurred to you, Akashi-kun," Kuroko began slowly, "That sex holds no interest to me?"

"I – " and for once in his vast life, Akashi seemed to have been rendered silent.

"Have you really never met another person who has an aversion to sex?" Kuroko tilted his head in question, holding the milkshake back up to his mouth as Akashi seemed to process.

Akashi pressed the fingers of his hand to his mouth absently in thought before replying, "I don't believe I have, Tetsuya. You truly hold no attraction to me?"

Kuroko resolutely looked down the side, chewing on his straw, his head tilted to hide his face.

Akashi still saw his ears turn red.

"Aesthetically, you're very pleasing," Kuroko allowed. "And you're charming, witty, and know how to hold an intelligent conversation longer than Kagami-kun. When you weren't trying to solicit me into questionable activities, your personality was pleasant too. You're a-attractive, Akashi-kun. I just wouldn't sleep with you because of my own personal preference. In this case, it is quite literally 'me and not you'. I'm sorry I'm incapable of giving you what you want, but perhaps you'll have better luck with the poor unfortunate soul who accidentally summons you in their kitchen?"

Kuroko lifted his head slightly, to see if he had offended Akashi in anyway – wondering if a demon _could_ get offended, that is – and took a startled step back to see Akashi so close.

"If I were to kiss you right now, would that make you uncomfortable?" Akashi asked, and Kuroko swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth at the look in Akashi's eyes. "If wanted to touch your face, your hands, your arms, would that make you uncomfortable?"

Kuroko licked his lips and watched as Akashi's pupils dilated until there was just a ring of red to his eyes.

"I'm only put off by sexual activities, Akashi-kun. So long as there is no heavy petting below waist, either mine or my partners, I'm not against it."

 _"Good."_ Akashi breathed before closing his fingers around Kuroko's waist and guiding him to the desk, mouthing at Kuroko's bottom lip and pressing his thumbs into supple skin before sliding a hand up to cup the back of Kuroko's head.

"Akashi-kun," Kuroko breathed out as Akashi moved to suck a dark mark into Kuroko's neck. "I – I thought you had to leave as soon as y-you'd fulfilled your purpose."

"My purpose is my own, Tetsuya." Akashi swiped his tongue over the bruise he'd left behind. "If I don't want to leave, I won't."

"You liar," Kuroko murmured, clasping his hands together loosely at the back of Akashi's neck to him in for a chaste brush of lips. "And I'm to believe you're going to be satisfied with kisses and cuddles?"

"You're going to believe that just _you_ are enough to satisfy me. A curious little thing wrapped in a cute little package, of course I'm going to try and unravel you."

"Even without sex?" Kuroko asked suspiciously and Akashi grinned suddenly, wide, sharp and a little scary. It widened when he presumably heard how Kuroko's heartbeat staggered up by a few beats.

"Don't worry, Tet-su-ya. I am _perfectly_ capable of being domestic."

* * *

Hello all! A while ago, during a chapter of 'First Foot In The Door' I had a small quiz sort of thing - the first three people to guess who my fave Kuroko pair was (AoKuro) would get a little fic written for them! And, first up, is Coolio101 who was the first to guess correctly.

This is unbeta'd, so hopefully no major mistakes! Hope you enjoy it!


	2. Chapter 2

Colours and Numbers

 **Summary:** Kuroko teaches kindergarten to a bunch of absolute monsters. Riko's convinced they're normal five year olds. It goes as well as you think.

* * *

Kuroko was a master of the 'smiling on the outside, screaming on the inside face' even if most of his smiles made him look as if he'd recently been smacked by a slightly damp mackerel.

It was this mastery of expressions combined with Kuroko looking like a Picasso painting gone wrong that couldn't stop Riko from pressing her hand to her mouth and snorting in the least feminine way possible.

"Y-You alright there, Tetsuya?" she asked, trying to get back her rapidly deteriorating composure.

Kuroko tilted his head a half inch to the side and it pushed his smile from 'I am clearly uncomfortable' to 'Mildly unsettling'. One pale hand reached up and slim fingers wiped away at a thick glob of paint, flicking green specks to the tiled floor.

"I don't know Riko-san. Am I okay?"

"You're looking a little… _artistic."_

Kuroko's smile widened by a fraction and Riko felt a shiver run down her spine.

"I was helping Kagami-kun with his art project. Aomine-kun disagreed." Kuroko attempted wiping more paint from his face and ended up with a rainbow of smears across his cheek instead.

"They're just _kids_ Tetsuya, I'm sure they mean nothing of it. They're kindergarteners after all, we can't expect _too_ much from them."

"Akashi-kun got involved," Kuroko added mildly and Riko froze from where she was reaching out with a handkerchief to help Kuroko.

"S-Sorry?"

"Yes." Kuroko nodded, accepting the piece of cloth from frozen fingers, scrubbing enthusiastically at his neck until most of the paint was gone and his pale skin was flushed red from the friction.

"But Akashi – "

"Is far beyond his years, yes. But it seems this…infatuation affects even him."

"N-Now, now, Tetsuya, that's going a little far. Infatuation?"

Kuroko rolled his head on his neck to make direct eye contact with Riko and she took a step back. The dead-eye fish stare was more than enough to creep her out.

"Two weeks ago Midorima-kun attempted to set me up with his single mother. Two days after that, Akashi-kun managed to engineer a situation where his _father_ approached me and offered to pay for my services, so long as they were conducted at his house, with just _his_ son. _Atsushi-kun_ – " and here Kuroko's voice pitched an octave higher, "- _Atsushi-kun stowed away in my car._ I only knew because the after school teacher on duty called and asked where he was because Himuro-kun had come to pick him up and he wasn't there!"

Riko was at a loss for words, aware that her mouth was probably gaping and that she couldn't help but stare.

"B-But they're only _five,_ Tetsuya."

"I'm well aware." Kuroko crossed the room to the sink that the staffroom offered and all but dunked his head under the tap. Riko counted to thirty before she edged over to his side and stopped him from passing out from lack of air.

"I'm just trying to say…they're imaginative and eccentric. They'll grow out of it, I'm sure."

"I'm more afraid they're growing into it," Kuroko muttered. "I put them down for naps the other day, turned away for two seconds, and Kise-kun was taking selfies on my phone. When I asked him why, it was so I would have something to remember of him when I went home. Kise-kun is also the one that has to kiss my arm every day before he leaves because he's afraid I'll _die_ if I don't get his love."

"That's not so bad – "

"He broke down into hysterics when I tried to leave without my kiss one day and wouldn't let Kasamatsu-kun take him away before it had happened. I'm talking full blown tantrum, Riko-san. Ugly tears, kicking legs, thrashing arms. He was seconds away from making himself throw up."

"Normal childish behaviour," Riko tried to dismiss with a laugh, loosely waving her hand. "He was convinced you'd die without the kiss, so indulge him."

Kuroko plucked a kitchen towel off of the side, rubbing his damp hair, shrugging a shoulder in what almost seemed like dismissal.

Before he could formulate a reply, there was a shrill battle cry from the doorway.

 _"I found him first! Finders keepers!"_

Kuroko had just enough time to turn before Aomine was slamming into his kneecaps, bringing the startled teacher down with him with another cry of victory. Before Kuroko could even catch his breath, Aomine was shimmying up his body, elbows and knees and pointy bits digging in before he was flopped on Kuroko's chest, beaming widely into his face.

"I found you!"

"No fair Aominecchi! You got a headstart!" Kise wailed from the doorway, before he was unceremoniously shoved to the side by Kagami who stormed in and hollered, "I'll fight you for him, Aomine-idiot!"

"You'd lose, Kagami-stupid!" Aomine shrieked back, completely uncaring of his proximity to Kuroko's face, who had promptly covered his ears.

"Yeah?! I'd like to see you try it!" Kagami stomped over and Aomine scrambled to his feet, ready to fight for the right to his teacher.

Kuroko slowly sat up with one hand on his head, one braced on the cold tiles, and was startled when warm, sticky fingers eased under his palm to curl around his fingers.

"Fighting it boring," Murasakibara mumbled, leaning into Kuroko's side. "It's too much effort."

Kuroko let Murasakibara keep a loose grip on his hand, turning to face Riko with what he was certain was an 'I told you so' look on his face.

Riko didn't see it, as she was doubled over in the corner trying not to die of laughter.

"Heathens, the lot of them." A squeaky, imperious voice spoke from in front of him, and Kuroko was forced to lower his hand from his head to balance on the floor as well as Akashi marched over and sat himself primly on Kuroko's lap, just so the two of them wouldn't topple over.

"Akashi-kun, I'm not sure you know what that word means," Kuroko said gently, and Akashi tilted his head back to make direct eye contact upside down with the teacher.

"I know that the lot of them are it. And that is good enough."

"I'm not a whatever!" Kise complained, draping himself over Kuroko's shins, one arm wormed underneath his knee so he could hold on. "I know how to be not one of those!"

Akashi squinted his eyes at Kise and nudged him with his foot a few times before deciding he was pleased with the turn of events and curled himself closer into Kuroko's chest, legs tucking up and knees digging into Kuroko's thigh.

"None of you are," Kuroko reassured him, and eased his arm up slightly out of the way as Midorima squeezed into the space opposite Murasakibara, one arm clutching at Kuroko and the other hand twisted with Akashi's.

Something in Kuroko went warm and fuzzy as he watched, because while the lot of them were little devils, they had their moments of being cute. Midorima's and Akashi's inexplicable yet close friendship was one of them.

Aomine and Kagami were still squabbling, but it was more gentle jabs of fingers and a fight to see who could raise their voices the loudest.

Kuroko's class was a class of terrors, but they were _his_ little monsters. Kise's delight at learning something new, Midorima's shyness at being congratulated, Aomine's and Kagami's rivalry, Atsushi's attentiveness and Akashi's need to devour information faster than Kuroko could give it were all quirks that he loved.

If only they would go to naptime with the intention to nap.

(In the distance he heard Riko whisper a breathless apology, her voice still hitching with hysterical laughter.)

* * *

Another quick one written up! This is for Dictator4Life who requested Kuroko the Kindergarten Teacher!

(And his slightly – very – obsessed students)

Again, apologies for any mistakes, and I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
